It’s been a while since my last update (well, a while since I last wrote – still no wi fi), mostly because there’s not much to say. It’s mostly been work and TV and sleep. Work...is not great. I had my first class today and it was kind of a disaster. I don’t know if I’m cut out for this teaching thing. Lesson plans seem to elude me, students just stare at me blankly. There’s nothing worse than a silent teenager. Except a room full of them, of course. I’ve already been ordered to go in on my days off and observe classes.
I’m the first to admit that I’m an anxious person, and not exactly interested in people. Long-term, I will probably wind up working in the back room of an obscure library or something. For now, though, I have to pull it together – somehow. It’s difficult to remind myself that Rome wasn’t built in a day, that I’m the youngest and least experienced in the school, that skills are learned and not innate. It’s not working. I still get up at the front and stare at the students and feel like an ass.
It doesn’t help that culture shock has hit something fierce. I am super homesick for Canada. It’s fall now – never one of my best times – and all I want is to see my friends and my family and the dumb stupid dog. I’m tired of constantly converting rubles and dollars back and forth in my mind, of using slang no one understands, of having to fumble my way through every interaction. The idea of failing probation terrifies me, and yet seems to be a bit of a relief too. Maybe I’m less adventurous than I thought.